You can listen to the segment here, or read the transcript.

I found this segment fascinating. Two parts in particular.

The first, when they discuss Bach’s final composition, “Before Thy Throne I Stand”. From the transcript:

SWAFFORD: Yeah. He was in bed, blind. He’d been devastated with cramps in his hands. He had a bad eye operation. He was in bad shape, though he’d been healthy most of his life. So he had a friend of his play a chorale prelude for him that he’d written earlier, a very serene piece.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, “BEFORE THY THRONE I STAND”)

SWAFFORD: And it was called at the time “When We Are in Greatest Distress,” but he renamed it “Before Thy Throne I Stand” and made some revisions in it. Bach was a lifelong perfectionist. Even on his deathbed, blind and in pain, he couldn’t help making some changes and some improvements in the piece. And he renamed it “Before Thy Throne I Stand” because I think it was his calling card to God.

RAZ: Absolutely breathtaking.

SWAFFORD: It is.

…

RAZ: He really knew.

SWAFFORD: Yeah. Yeah. And he was not afraid. He was very much a believer and felt that he had done his gig well, and he was ready to go.

This reminded me of 2 Timothy 4:6-7:

…the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.

Bach’s story was followed by a discussion of Bela Bartok, whose final composition, “Third Piano Concerto”, remained unfinished. From the transcript:

RAZ: Let me ask you about Bela Bartok. He was a European refugee. He died in Manhattan in 1945 where he lived as a poor man for many years.

SWAFFORD: In the U.S., he did. He was – he had fled the Nazis from his native Hungary. He was quite sick. He had leukemia. Bartok was trying to finish the third piano concerto as a legacy for his wife who was a concert pianist. It’s one of the most beautiful, delightful, popularistic pieces he ever wrote.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, “THIRD PIANO CONCERTO”)

SWAFFORD: He was almost to the end of it when the ambulance arrived, and they almost had to drag him away from his desk under protest. And he never quite finished the last – scoring the last 17 bars of the piece.

The juxtaposition of those two stories, dying content and assured versus dying discontented and incomplete, really struck me. It reminded me of that Oliver Wendell Holmes quote:

Many people die with their music still in them.  Why is this so?  Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live.  Before they know it, time runs out.

That’s a grim thought, isn’t it?

I know I’d prefer to go out like Bach, content and complete; though I also am aware I live most of my days like Bartok. In order to attain the first ending, then, I need to do two things. One, focus on getting my work done. And two, do (as Swafford put it) my gig well. All I know is, when it’s my time, I don’t want to die with my music still in me. I want to be ready to go, content and unafraid.

“The winner,” she said, giving me her best Dirty Harry look, “gets a Gobstopper.”

Game on.

I wasn’t easy on her. I wanted her to experience a real game, and I knew she was up to the challenge. That being said, I gave her some advice along the way, asked her if she really wanted to move that bishop to that space where he’d be under attack, and let her take back a couple of moves. She’s a smart girl. She caught on quickly and made a number of really smart decisions.

Alas, about a half-hour into our game, her lone king was surrounded by my queen, king and two rooks.

“Well,” I said, “you have a choice. You can either lay down your king now, or I can chase you around the board until I beat you.”

“Or,” my husband said from the other room, “you reach a stalemate and then it’s a draw.”

I rolled my eyes. Whatever. But my daughter chose that slim hope and the chase ensued.

She’d move her king and I’d position my queen or one of my rooks to put him back into check. She’d move again. Check. She’d move again. Check. I asked her now and again if she was ready to give up, but she always chose to keep playing. Move. Check. Move. Check. On and on, a slow limp toward her defeat.

Or so I thought.

She moved her king back a space–the only space he could move to–and I inched my own king forward a space. “Hang on,” I said, “I think this is it. I don’t think you can go anywhere else.”

I called my husband over to verify. He looked over the board and laughed. “That’s a stalemate.”

What?!

Sure enough, we’d wiggled into a situation where she wasn’t in check, but also wasn’t able to move anywhere else. Stalemate. A draw.

My daughter had escaped being checkmated by her mom. That was as good enough as a win in her book. Even better than a Gobstopper.

“That,” my husband said as my daughter did a victory dance, “is what happens when you don’t quit.”

Because we bought this little guy from a rescue, we’re not certain what kind of pup he is. We suspect he’s chocolate lab mixed with either Australian shepherd or border collie. Whatever he is, he’s cute. And he’s brought a lot of joy into our lives. Which is the best part (I think) about puppies. So far he’s fitting right in with our clan, even getting the nod of approval from our big dog, Hannah.

All of the animals in our family get names starting with H. Our newest addition is no different.

His name is Howard. Howie for short.

At the beginning of 2011, I chose a word to represent my intentions for the year. That word was “complete”. My resolution was to finish what I start. And for the most part, I did.

My word for 2012 is “becoming“.

Not only am I intrigued to see what I become (v., to undergo change or development, to come into existence) in 2012, but I’m also acutely aware of the artistic battle with ego, and know that I want to live out this becoming with grace and gratitude, i.e., in a becoming (adj., suitable, fitting) way.

While I don’t have all the details worked out, I’m certain this becoming is going to take many forms (artistic, creative, entrepreneurial, spiritual).

In short, I’ve been blessed with a number of creative abilities. It is high time I put these abilities to good use and see what they (what I) become. There will be a number of changes and announcements around here in the weeks to come.

So. Hello, 2012. Shall we get started?

Let your heart be light.

I had a little fun with GarageBand the other night. Cloned myself four times to record O Come, O Come, Emmanuel. Hope you enjoy it.

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Filed under: What's On My Mind Tagged: Christmas, flute music, GarageBand, Holiday, O Come Emmanuel, watercolor ]]> http://amyknichols.wordpress.com/2011/12/23/have-yourself/feed/ 0 Amy K. Nichols amyheart